I Am Officially Accident-Prone

Yeah, I am officially accident-prone. This is Michelle, the girl who was so dainty and careful and didn't like to get sand on her hands when she was little. But, then she started playing in the mud, climbing trees, and getting scrapes on her knees (I didn't mean for that to rhyme-- really). That is all a normal part of childhood. Then she went to college- did okay there. Well, except for when she blew out three tires on her car in one week (once in a formal dress at midnight in the middle of nowhere in rural Indiana, the other time in Sunday dress). But, we've all heard that story--so many times, in fact. (STOP telling the story, Michelle). We've also all heard the story of when Michelle was broomballing (playing ice hockey with tennis shoes and brooms) and ended up being the only person that night seriously injured (they were all injured) with torn ligaments in her wrist and a cast up to her shoulder six months and two screws later. We've also all heard the story of when Michelle was the only one from her horsemanship class who was thrown from her horse the first time she got on and ended up with a broken nose (she likes to say "thrown" because that puts the blame on the horse, but for anyone who was actually there they'd say that Michelle just simply fell off "Keeper"-- and she did have to keep the darn horse for ten more weeks to pass the class so that she could graduate...grrr). And some of us have heard the story of Michelle being the only person to get wedged in a cave in China (both ends of the boat were open), but when Michelle got stuck she was literally stuck between a rock and a hard place for many minutes. Or on the same trip Michelle (after the boat had sunk and Michelle being the only one bitten by a strange creature in the water) being the only one who fell down a rock something or rather, granting scars she still shows off from time to time. Then there are adventures on trains, planes, and three-person bikes. We've all heard these stories before, that just grow old with Michelle telling them. [I just now realized I've been talking about myself in the third person- weird]
But all those stories are normal "ouch" stories that anybody can experience (okay, so not everybody flies from a horse with a broken nose). Those aren't the stories I'm referring to here. It's the stories of falling off podiums--regularly--running into corners, and falling down stairs--regularly. In China we stand on these six-inch platforms and I can't tell you how many times I've tripped off the thing and into a student's lap. (yeah, you're laughing now! you try it, buddy). And I fall down stairs...whole flights of them. I don't just skip a step or stumble, I go all the way down. Most of the time it involves sledding on my knees. The first time was in my English building in front of half a dozen students after I tripped over the cuff of my pants that were getting too big. My teammate just laughed when I came into the office with torn pants and gashes on my knee (I'm still bitter :) ) I fell down the stairs in the dormitory and in someone's home. This last time (yes, just a few days ago) I tripped going up the stairs and then ended up going down, too! This time I had a thermos of hot hot hot (did I mention it was hot?) water in my hands and it burst all over me! Luckily I was the only one around to get burned and suffer gashes and bruises that deserve honorary mention. But, then again, those stories are just klutzy. I always write home about it with the simple words "I fell down the stairs again." And people just roll their eyes and laugh on the inside.
Now, however, I can be sure to say that I am officially accident-prone. Why? The other day I was sitting quietly in the front row listening to a cultural lecture given by my teammate, David. He was talking about Easter and trying to get the students excited about the subject. You want to win points with the students? Then, bring them candy. So, David took a handful of candy, told the students to watch their heads, and then threw the candy up in the air-hard and with some force- so that the candy could reach the back of the lecture room as well. The candy went flying and one piece slammed into my mouth. Not just hit my lip, slammed into my mouth. Not Sonny's mouth. Not the student next to me's mouth. My mouth. My lip was bleeding, guys, and I could feel it swelling up right there. Bleeding! From Easter candy!!! I've been nursing a swollen lip for a week now. I only wish I were exagerrating.
Oh, and the next day, I fell off the podium again. :)